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What's up with me lately

It has been about 9-10 months on Androgel... over a year on T total... and it's been really great.

I am surprised how much my voice has changed since Nov 2009. Additional changes, facial hair, chest hair, and some fat has redistributed. Unfortunately I'm not active enough to just build muscle without effort but I plan on working on that.

Still don't have a formal name change.

Lots has been going on.. so much in fact it's going to be hard for me to write it out in here.. but I have to. It's important.

I still have breasts but this is the year that changes forever. it has to. I have an appointment tomorrow with Dr. Hayes to see if i can obtain a hysterectomy with my insurance paying for most of it. Might as well get it over with. I don't want anymore gyno visits.. and since I'm on T and hopefully sterile anyway.. might as well go for it. So I'm hoping that visit will go OK tomorrow.

I'm planning on making my appointment for top surgery this week and then filing the paperwork for my name chance which I have put off... because it's 400 bucks and the St of Fl asks you are life story so its a pain in the ass and expensive.

So hopefully I will be fully Ari by the end of 2011.

Major Family updates... My sister, Lisa, has adopted a kid. His name is Alex.. he's two and really cute.. and I'm called Uncle Ari.. which is nice. My family is still the only people who call me Rachel. I figured this is normal since they have known me as Rachel the longest. Plus I'm not really good at standing up for myself in that respect but I think once the boobs are gone.. they are going to feel stupid calling me Rachel anyways..

I went back to CT for a few days for Alex's B day party which was stressful for me. half of the people in my family know.. and pretend not too.. and the other half didn't so I literally came out to some people at the party. Alex had fun so that’s all that matters.. but it was a huge party.. like 70 people.. both families. I was surprised how my brother in law's family consistently called me Ari through the whole party but avoided pronouns.. which worked for me. Then tragedy struck like 5 days later... when I was back in Fl...

My adopted Grandma died about 5 days after my visit. I'm glad I got to see her before she passed away since she was suffering so much. I felt bad I couldn't go to the funeral. She died not knowing who I really was.. but she loved me regardless.. probably more than my real grand parents. I had known this woman my whole life. He baby sat me when my mom was at work... made me Christmas cookies for me.. and just enjoyed the simple pleasure in life such as family and playing cards with her neighbors. I think she is probably the only person in my life that has come close to loving me without conditions.

I def. will miss her but glad she is no longer in pain.

that was a week ago.. so granted.. I'm looking at her life.. looking at mine and saying... how long do I want to live not being myself.. and letting others not truly see who I am? I don't anymore.. which leads to my next major upcoming development.

I don't remember if I wrote in here or not...but I did Youtube about it. I hinted at being trans to my HR department because I saw a major change in my company's non discrimination policy which included the phrase " generic information". This was over 6 months ago and apparently that phrase protects people like me.

On Friday, our HR rep for the East Region called me just before lunch time, asking me how I was doing and how my transition was going.. so I told her. I told her I was on T. which she noticed anyways because my voice is really deep now.

She asked me if i was ready to tell Office leadership about my transition so they made sure everyone addresses me the way I want. Apparently 4 others have transition at BV.. and still work for them.. and are happy. So that made me feel amazing.. however I did ask her where these people were located... 2 in KC (which is an all inclusive city.. i.e. they had to).. 1 up north some place sooo liberal place.. and then one in the south.. which I'm thinking is either MD, SC NC or GA.

She told me to think about it .. and let her know if she needed me to break the ice... I told I would let her know.

I thought about it for like a day and realized I need to. I sent her an email telling her I would like to talk to our Office VP.

this is kind of a confusing story.. but I think most people in my office know already.. due to the face hair and the voice anyways but it's don't ask don't tell until you say something.. or like denial center till then. I'm not really scared anymore. I Just don't care. I'm more nervous how FSAWWA people are going to take it and all my clients and contacts.. that's going to be harder but i think it should work out.

So yeah... I may be coming out to an office of 20-30 people this week.. leaving this the last place I still live as a woman. I'm actually not dreading it. I think if I go in there being nervous or feeling ashamed... it will give them a reason to feel that way towards me.

I'm going in saying.. I have a genetic/birth defect just like color blindness or like a clef palette.. it's treatable.. and after I get treatment I should feel better. Part of treatment is being call the name and pronoun I want to be called.

I already am scared of two people.. possibility three people in the office that will be weirded out.. one is a senior level technical Engineer... the other is a redneck who likes me.. but as Rachel... he also referred to Susan Station as a freak show.. and the last one is our senior level Electrical Engineer who seems very homophobic. Everyone else there seems too open minded or just doesn’t give a shit about anything to care.

I watched this transgender special on Trans kids by Barbara Walters which I thought was awesome... and she interviewed this lady - a mom of a 6 year old transdaughter - and Barbara asked her.. why do you want your family and your kid on this show? The Lady replied with the best answer I'd heard to date when asked this question: The ones that safe and supportive of their kids have to step up and speak out for the others who are not.

That's what I feel me coming out with work will hopefully do for someone else some day.

Other updates:

I'm moving in a few weeks to Gulfport, FL.. about 15 mins more south than I am now which some kick ass people. It's a house and I will have a whole half of a house to myself. It's going to be pretty sweet.

I started a new youtube channel called Tranniesfordummies. I want it to be an educational piece of people who know nothing about trans people and can use it as a guide to understanding and accepting people like us.

That's about it.. working and teaching as normal.

Just FYI:

This is what I look like tonight. I stopped shaving my face. I am Hairy! :)